Challenges

So I've been watching a lot of Francis Chan stuff on YouTube. He's a wonderful and very challenging speaker, but after every video I find myself struggling with an inner turmoil. First of all, what sorts of things could I be doing instead of watching this video on YouTube? But, also, how can I turn around? He speaks a lot about Jesus and who He really was and what He would really be doing with His time, and I can guarantee, my time spent "fixing up" my house and relaxing is not necessarily the way that He would spend His time or the way that He would really have me spend my time if I truly let Him be in charge. But really, HOW do I let him be in charge? I've spent 24 years kind-of just doing things my way hoping that God approves or justifying myself in the things that I do. Justifying that they are worth-while, that I am making a difference. How much energy do I waste planning out my own life or what I'm going to do each day? Worse yet, how frustrated do I get when my plans are interrupted? Where's the balance, though? I don't want to wake up each day just sitting around and waiting for something big to come my way. Maybe I just need to make sure that my life and my time are available for God. I'm so conflicted. Summers are no good for me I've decided... too much time to think, and too much time. Might I also add that I know Jesus would not want me to sit around feeling guilty for how I spend my time at all. However, I do think that I would be more at peace with myself at the end of the day if I were able to say, "Today I can see how God used my time," whether it's having a conversation with a neighbor or helping a frazzled mom or sending an encouraging note or making a needed phone call. I don't know. Maybe, as usual, I'm having another adult ADD experience, laced with Spiritual Unrest.