Take me the Way I am.

There have been a few times in my life where the changes have been overwhelming. Finishing high school. Learning to live with a boy. Beginning my teaching career. But I'm not sure that any have been as challenging as the time of change I'm in right now. Not only are things changing around me, but I feel that my heart is changing and growing all the same. Adjusting into a new home, saying goodbye to dear friends, ending a sweet school year and saying goodbye to a wonderful group of kids is hard enough. But for the first time in my adult life, I feel like God is reaching into my depths and changing the way I see Him and everything around me. What if my faith is different than what I once thought it should be? What if "reaching the world" looks much more grassroots and organic than I was raised to believe? I know forgiveness and reconciliation look different through His eyes. I've always strived to live a life that I hoped was pleasing to my Savior, but for what reason?

I am changing and growing to realize that it's not about how many times I listen to Christian Contemporary to "lift my spirits". It's not about how many Sundays I make it to church. It's not about how many fellow believers I befriend.

It's about yearning for His word to refresh and fulfill my being. Meeting people where they are at, not so that I can fix them, but so that I can love them the way that Jesus would and does. Reaching out to my neighbors as much and as passionately as I desire to reach out to those who are oceans away.

Change is challenging and it's scary. I don't know how to do it, and do it right. I'm used to things coming naturally and this isn't. I don't know the best way to deal with all the external changes happening around me. I don't have much control. I want to make the most of the changes happening within me... but I'm scared that I will let it pass and chalk it up to the remember-when tally chart of my life. I'm afraid that I will let my perceptions of myself and my spirituality get in the way. I don't know if I can actually make it happen this time. How many times have I been here before? Waiting for God to mold me and change me but resisting His hands as soon as he cuts in to sculpt. I can only plead for the peace of Christ and rest in Him as soon as He shows up like He promises He will. Change is unknown but it is also inevitable... I hate that! :)